Nighttime Thoughts

A nasty pitfall of getting old is having trouble sleeping. In the last few years it's been more of a problem than every before. I have no trouble falling asleep, and usually do within minutes. The problem is waking up after 3 or 4 hours and feeling totally awake. I wouldn't mind getting up between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. every morning if that didn't mean I'd feel exhausted by dinnertime. Sometimes I can lay awake for an hour or so and then fall back asleep. Last night it was impossible so I finally gave up. I woke up at 3 a.m. and lay there until a little after 4. I tried not to think of the 'to do' list for the day. I tried not to worry about small things. I tried not to worry about big things. But it was all in vain. Everything seems to be magnified at night. The smallest issue can be dwelt on and blown way out of proportion. So finally a little after 4 I got up. The house is quiet, it's cool after all these hot days we've had. A cup of tea and my Bible in hand leads to the joy one feels with starting the day right, albeit maybe a little too early. There are benefits of these early starts. Hearing the birds wake and seeing the sky go from a small streak of light to a gorgeous pink are worth missing a few hours of sleep. Feeling like I can spend hours rather than minutes in God's Word and prayer is worth the sacrifice of lost sleep. So now as 6:00 a.m. rolls around and it's time to get this day going I hope there is the possibility of a nap this afternoon. (no, I did not take this picture)

Chickens

I meant to post on this blog about my new baby chicks, instead I posted to my quilting blog! Oh well, chickens and quilting go together don't they? You can link my quilt blog from here. But here's a couple pictures. They are soooo cute!

The Comfort of Scripture

I couldn't sleep last night. In fact I've slept pretty poorly since my husband has been gone. Tomorrow he returns from Honduras. I suppose if he did this often I would get used to it, but nine days has seemed like a long time and it's affected my sleep. Sometimes it's just being alone when you have gotten used to someone else in the bed, other times it's the worry or concerns of life, and sometimes it's just the knowing that what needs to be done when I get up is almost more than a day can handle. It was probably a little of all three of these last night. And nights are extra long when you just lay there thinking.

Finally at a little after 4:00 a.m. I got up and went down and opened my Bible. I love Scripture. I love the way it speaks to me just where I need it at the moment. This morning was one of those times. I've been reading through the Bible this year and today I was in Psalm 119. Here are the verses that brought delight and comfort:

Psalm 119:147 - I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words. My eyes anticipate the night watches, that I may meditate on Your word.

Psalm 119:169-175 - Let my cry come before You, O Lord; Give me understanding according to Your word. Let my supplication come before You; Deliver me according to Your word. Let my lips utter praise, for You teach me Your statutes. Let my tongue sing of Your word, for all Your commandments are righteousness. Let Your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen Your precepts. I long for Your salvation, O Lord, and Your law is my delight. Let my soul live that it may praise You, and let Your ordinances help me.

Difficulties of Family Life

No doubt, the most difficult undertaking in my life (and my husband's too) has been the adoption of our two children from Russia. They came when they were 10 and 13 years old. Those are difficult ages for any child but coupled with a move from a bad environment, a new country and culture and from orphanage to family it's been beyond difficult. We do have good times and days when everything runs smoothly. We also have days that are filled with tension, anger and the hurt from a childhood that was filled with trauma. I guess I would have thought that after 3 years much of that would be behind us. It's not. Today has ranked right up there as one of the worst. I get weary of the battle, yet I also realize that God has put all this in place. He has a plan and purpose to bring salvation to our children, to bring growth and maturity to all our lives and most of all to glorify Himself through it all. So we trudge on!

Saying Goodbye

How does one say goodbye? It can be a wave of the hand or a warm embrace. A goodbye is often filled with tears or the uncertainty of wondering when you might see someone again. There is a lot of emotion in a goodbye in a loved one's death. Today I am filled with that emotion. We had a memorial service for little Leah Grace. She lived for 99 days. Her life was brief but her impact powerful. Her story and life was watched and followed by hundreds of people. She was a fighter. Not expected to live beyond hours, she defied all predictions and lived 99 days. Her service today was a wonderful celebration of her life. Many people came to say goodbye. Some of the sharing from friends and family brought on tears. Callie (my daughter), wrote a song, a lullaby that she performed. Charissa, (another daughter), did the video/slide presentation of Leah. Both were beautiful and filled with emotion. Rick spoke from both a pastor and grandpa's heart. Kristine shared some journal entries that were written in such a beautiful way from a mother's heart. Luke shared with emotion the journey he has been on, and as his mother, it was so very touching. My way to say goodbye, was to create a beautiful quilt with photos of Leah. For all of us it was a tender goodbye to Leah Grace.