Making a Memorial Display for Leah Grace

This Sunday marks one year since Leah Grace went to be with Jesus. I've wanted to make a special display area in my home that I could display some pictures and other items from her birthday, March 20 through the 99 days until the day of her passing, June 27. Finally today I finished making the collage picture and got it up in our dining room with some other pictures. The memory photo box contains a couple favorite pictures, a mold of her little feet and one of the little knit hats she wore in the hospital. All very precious things and something to hang on to as a special way to remember a very special little granddaughter.

Remembering Leah

This day has been so beautiful. The first day of spring, almost 70 degrees outside-- lots of time spent outside today. This is also Leah's birthday. I'm glad she was born on the first day of spring. There will always be so much more meaning to this day now. Her life was so special and even though some of the memories will fade, she will never be forgotten. Looking forward to the day when we will see each other again brings such a sense of happiness. I was at coffee today with my oldest two daughters and we were rehearsing the day Leah was born. Waiting for hours and hours at the hospital and finally getting a peek at that precious little one. I remember being struck with what an absolutely beautiful baby she was. It seemed like right from the start that God's hand was on this little life and He would use her to bless many people. I didn't feel sadness today, really, it was mostly just a review of the specialness of her life. Much to give thanks for, much to remember -- precious Leah.

A New Year

The move from 2009 to 2010 feels different this year. We are in Spokane which in itself makes it different. It's relaxing to be away. I have slept in, worked on a few projects that rarely get any time devoted to them, visited with a lot of family and just enjoyed being away. It's been relaxing. Right now with only 6 hours left of 2009 I'm sitting and reflecting on this past year. 2009 will always be forever Leah Grace's year. It was the year of her very short but very special 99 day life. Her life was a gracious gift from God even though very difficult. There's a sense of wanting to hang on to 2009 just for that reason. But time marches on. 2010 will undoubtedly also bring many unforseen things. I don't fear or worry though, God is in control and I rest in the one who knows what is best for my life. That's comfort and hope for 2010. Happy New Year everyone.

Life and Death - A Tribute to Leah Grace Jarmer

I have read that between 150,000 and 250,000 people die each day. Most days I don't think about death and most days I would not know even one of that large number. But today is a day that death touched my world. Today my granddaughter, Leah Grace, died. Even to write those words seems hard. She lived for 99 days. That alone is a miracle since medically speaking she was not even supposed to make it to term much less live that many days. I am so thankful for 99 days. It wasn't enough time for her to accomplish very much physically and yet she may have accomplished more in those 99 days than most people would in 99 years. Her life and struggle became known to many many people. The lessons she taught me were significant, life-changing lessons.

Leah taught me about the value of life. God valued her life even though it was not perfect. Sometime in the last few weeks I read in Luke 18 about the time that the disciples rebuked people for bringing their babies to Jesus and Jesus replies, "don't forbid them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these". Now the kingdom of heaven does truly belong to Leah.

Leah taught me about the value of prayer. I truly believe Leah's gift of 99 days to her family was God's answer to many prayers. God orchestrated in a beautiful way both Leah's birth and her death. Lately we had prayed that Leah's death would be in the arms of a parent and it was. We prayed that both Luke & Kristine would be home with her when she passed and they were. We prayed that Kyla would not have to see the death of her little sister, she was at her other grandma's when Leah passed. We prayed that Luke and Kristine would reach a point of letting go and giving her 'permission' to go be with Jesus. Just the day before Kristine was able to tell Leah, "it's okay to go be with Jesus". Prayer is powerful.

Leah taught me of boldness. I have never been a very bold person in regards to sharing my faith. I'm still not, but Leah's life provided many opportunities to tell of God's faithfulness and love. It is because of our faith that we can endure and walk through this time. Leah was and is a door opener into people's spiritual lives.

Leah taught me of love and selflessness. Her whole live was a huge lesson on unconditional love. She needed total care and our love when she could give nothing in return. The sacrifices that Luke and Kristine made daily spoke volumes to me of the kind of love our heavenly Father has for us. Leah's life brought God glory in that He created her just as she was, it was in God's perfect plan that allowed us to have and love Leah Grace for 99 days.

Leah's life brought hope. The ultimate hope for believers in Jesus is an eternity in heaven. When Leah was first born and we did not think her life would be more than a few days, I was reading one day about King David in the Old Testament and the baby that was born to him and several days later died. He fasted and prayed while the baby lived and pleaded with God to spare his life. When he died, he got up, ate and went and sat in the temple and worshipped God. Those around him were surprised at his reaction but his response was, "the child will no longer come to me, but I will go to him". We will see Leah again in heaven. The reality and truth of that thought gives me comfort and hope.

Leah's life was a lesson in God's sovereignty. Before Leah was born, Luke and I had a dialogue about choices. There are choices we make in life that are high cost and choices that are low cost. Some things we choose have a great impact in life and some a very small impact. Who I choose to marry greatly affects the rest of my life. What I choose to eat for lunch probably only affects how much weight I gain! There are many things, though, where we have no choice in the matter -- God chooses for us. What happens especially in life and death is not our choice but God's choice for us. We did not choose to have Leah born this way. I love what Jim Elliott said years ago before he was martyred for his faith, "God always give his best to those who leave the choice with Him". We often like to think we are in control and that we can orchestrate our lives the way we want. Having a baby like Leah born is a reminder that God is sovereign. God's plan and purpose in Leah's life and death may not ever be fully realized until heaven but we know that He used her to change our hearts and impact many, many people's lives.

I know as time goes on and we move further away from this day certain memories will fade. Pain and grief over our loss will get easier. Forever, though, we will carry little Leah Grace in our hearts. She was greatly loved and will be greatly missed.

Precious Life

On Friday, March 20 at 2:37, Leah Grace entered the world. She is a precious gift from God. We now know that her brain development was not complete and her diagnosis is a severe form of holoprosencephaly. So far, all her time since birth has been spent in the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Vincent's hospital. The whole family has both rejoiced and grieved. We have rejoiced in the answer to our prayer that Leah Grace would be born alive and able to breathe on her own. We have rejoiced in being able to spend time with her, touching her, loving her, holding her. Her parents have shown such tenderness and love to her. Luke said to me the other day something to the effect of, "whatever her life may be, we will be happy to love and care for her". God has given us a gift of life in her that is not perfect, that may not be very long, and may be difficult when it comes to caring for Leah, but it is a wonderful gift. I am realizing with every passing moment spent with Leah, that life is so precious. Each breath is a gift; each cry, each yawn, every moment. I have a new perspective on the beauty of life by my time spent with Leah that I may not have been able to understand in any other way than through Leah's life. I do grieve some things. That her life span may be very short. She may not be able to come home In everything, though, I see God’s hand at work. He loves Leah the same as He loves me. As I look forward to a day in eternity when I will stand before Him complete and perfected, so Leah will also be made whole and complete. I have been greatly comforted by Psalm 139 verses 13 - 17. I have taken the I’s and me’s and put in Leah’s name.
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of Leah’s body and knit her together in her mother’s womb. ...You watched her as she was being formed in utter seclusion, as she was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw Leah before she was born. Every day of her life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about Leah, O God. They cannot be numbered."
Leah is a special precious gift!